Twisted By Desire (Lust, Desire and Love Trilogy #1) Read online

  I had a long-standing love-hate relationship with Love’s Artifacts. I loved them because their chicken and catfish were so good, and I hated them because it was buffet style. I could sit in there and eat all night or until they kicked me the hell out for devouring my way into their profit margin. Maybe with a few drinks and the music, Jackie would mellow out and not rip me apart too bad.

  I pulled into the parking lot at the same time as Mandy. She gave me her cute little wave, barely visible through the glare of the windshield. I had a special bond with Mandy. We kept a secret between us that we had promised to never talk about after she got engaged.

  We both exited our cars and hugged briefly before going in to get a table while we waited for Jackie to join us. We were early, and Jackie rarely was. If she said six, she would be there at six, not one minute before or one minute after. I could never figure out how she did that.

  We both ordered a beer from the bar.

  “How are things with Creighton?”

  “Don’t get me started on him.” She sighed and rolled her eyes before taking a drink. “He’s annoying as hell lately.”

  “You don’t have to put up with him, Mandy. You can do a lot better and you deserve so much more.”

  “Yeah, I know, but I’m just not ready to give up on him yet.”

  A familiar voice called out over our backs, “Hey, bitches, drinking without me?” It was Jackie. My heart beat picked up to a staggering speed, and my palms dampened.

  “Hey, girl, what’s up?” I said.

  “Hey, Jackie.” Mandy smiled.

  “Hi, Mandy.” She quickly turned her smiling face away from Mandy and transformed it into a glaring, demonic, squinty-eyed stare that soon felt like it was boring a hole through me. “And you, what in the everlasting fuck are you doing these days?”

  “What’s going on?” Mandy asked.

  “You won’t believe it when I tell you. I found out from Nikki’s mom that our dear friend here is engaged.”

  “Oh, wow, that’s some news,” Mandy started. “Congratulations?”

  “Thank you.” I gave her a smile before Jackie continued on her rant.

  “Look, Nik.” She planted her hands firmly at her waist. Her gaze softened, but her penetrating eyes didn’t lose contact with mine. “I can’t tell you what to do, no one can. But I sure as hell, as your friend, can let you know when I think you’re making a fucked-up decision.”

  I inhaled deeply before releasing the breath slow and steady. I tried to explain, “I appreciate your concern, I really do, but I know what I’m doing. I’m going to marry Jeff. We don’t have a date set yet; we haven’t even talked about a date yet. But rest assured, we’re getting married. Oh, and we’re happy.” My jaw clenched as I crossed my arms across my chest. There, damn it, I’m standing my ground.

  “Why?” Mandy questioned. “Why are you marrying him? I’m not saying I don’t think you should, but I’m asking, do you think you know him well enough? And are you guys in love?”

  “I thought you were on my side, Mandy.” I huffed. “But to shut you both up, yes god damn it, yes, we’re in love.” I looked away unable to meet their eyes since I knew I was lying. I wasn’t in love with Jeff, and he’d never even come close to telling me he loved me.

  “Then I’m happy for you, Nikki. Rushed or not, I wish you both nothing but the best and a long, happy life together.” Mandy smiled and stroked her hand down my arm. Her touch was calming.

  “Well, I’ll shut my mouth for now and buy the next round.” Jackie waved her arm in the air to get the waiter’s attention. “You know,” she lowered her voice and looked at me, “I want you to be happy -- truly happy, Nik. I love you and would hate to see you do something for the wrong reason.”

  Our drinks arrived, and we spent the next couple hours talking and reliving some of our past. I couldn’t help but wonder if Jackie was picking up some weird vibe from me.

  ****

  She and I had known each other since kindergarten and had been through our share of ups and downs together. We were inseparable in grade school and junior high, but during high school, we each went our own way -- not my choice, it was Jackie’s. She was able to live her dream as a model. She was beautiful and tall. And beautiful. I was so happy for her and I loved having her as a friend, but my friendship wasn’t enough. She wanted to belong with the ‘cool kids’ group. I wasn’t that cool in high school, not until senior year anyway. I wasn’t allowed to hang with the cool kids, so she had to make a choice. I couldn’t kiss her ass enough to keep her as a friend, so we parted ways, and I lost my best friend.

  High school sucked without her. I’d watch her walk around the hallways and see her sitting in class. I was desperate to talk to her until I’d see one of her minions from the cheerleading squad or one of the hot guys from the football team come talk to her. I was jealous of the circle she was part of. I wanted to be like her so bad. Everyone loved her, including me. She was supposed to be my best friend forever.

  We graduated high school without even saying a peep to each other that day. College was a welcome change of scenery and a new start for me. It gave me a chance to get over the loss of my best friend.

  I came home in the summer after classes ended for my sophomore year of college. The summer months were filled with days of sunbathing on nearby Tampa, Clearwater, and St. Petersburg beaches. I rarely saw Mandy because of her summer internship and Creighton, but I did have a coincidental run-in on the beach one day with Jackie. That fateful day brought us back together. We saw each other from a distance, walked toward each other like two lost souls, and met in the sand, where we laid our towels out near each other to catch up. Our conversation was very strained and superficial.

  “Nikki, darling, it’s been far too long.”

  “Definitely too long; what have you been up to?”

  “The usual, school has been a bore, but I’m going overseas to France for my senior year -- something to look forward to. You know, the study abroad program. My French classes will be put to use, finally, and I may find the love of my life, a stranger named Pierre.” She giggled.

  “That sounds interesting. Are you seeing anyone now?”

  “Not at this time. I just broke up with my boyfriend. He was the football team captain and quarterback. I found out he had cheated on me. Me! Can you believe that?”

  “That’s terrible. I’m so sorry to hear.”

  “Don’t be. I’m better off without him. He hasn’t stopped calling me, begging me to get back with him. He swears he’ll never do it again. But I don’t know. I mean, he has good prospects of playing in the NFL and everything, and I would make an excellent trophy wife for him.”

  “You would look stunning on Sundays, when the camera finds you in the stands. But that rules out Pierre, and he might have been the perfect catch.”

  “Later for Pierre, the announcers could make sure everyone knows who I am -- Jacqoline Carter.”

  Jackie had changed her name to Jacqoline in high school, pronounced Jack-o-line, like gasoline -- not the name her parents had given her. Since they had both had passed away already, they would never know what a snob their daughter had become.

  “That would be so marvelous for you.”

  We spent about another hour or so on the beach, talking, until I couldn’t take her self-centered conversation any more. I considered throwing myself in the rough surf to get tangled in seaweed before being pulled out to sea to escape the train-wreck conversation. The sad part was, I knew my old friend was still trying to make herself seem better than she really was. She wasn’t a bad person, and the Jackie I had known had never been this insecure. We exchanged numbers before I shook the sand off my towel, rolled it up, and packed it back into my beach tote.

  A week later, Jackie called me. Not Jacqoline, whom I had endured on the beach, but my old childhood friend, Jackie. We both pretended like that day never happened. Maybe it didn’t, maybe it was a bad dream, or nightmare. We spent quite a few nights together o
ver the rest of the summer, reliving some of our favorite childhood memories. We never talked about high school.

  Chapter 17

  “Have you considered going to a therapist or psychologist, dear?”

  “I’m not crazy, Mom.”

  “I’m not saying you are, but sometimes they can help you understand things and see things from a different perspective.”

  My life was a complete mess -- a cluster-fuck of confusion, secrets, lies, and betrayals. “I’ll think about it; it may not be a bad idea.”

  “Let me know if you need a couple names. The gentleman I went to was really good. He helped me a lot after your dad and I split up.”

  “I had no idea …” How did she keep that a secret from me?

  “You didn’t need to know. I’d told you and Gary way too much and really needed an adult to talk to.” She paused. “Of course, you can always talk to me though, sweetie.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” I rolled my eyes. No way would I tell her some of the things swirling in my head. My conversation with Jackie and Mandy last night had me doubting my own decision-making abilities again. Talking to Jeff after I got home helped reassure me slightly. But what kind of person would I be if I just backed out of everything right now because people questioned me? Did I want to back out?

  “I better get back to work, Mom; thanks for listening.”

  “That’s what I’m here for, darling. Have a nice day.”

  When I hung up, I wanted to just cry or scream or throw something across the room. Instead, I sent an email to Jack, requesting the rest of the week off after today. I needed to get away from everyone, all their questions, and clear my head.

  After a nice lunch with Georgia, I returned to my desk to be met by Jack. The look of concern on his face made my heart skip a beat.

  “Is everything okay, Nikki? It’s not like you to make such a last-minute request for time off.”

  “Yes, everything’s fine. I just need a few days to take care of some important personal matters.” There, now you can’t pry into what I’m doing.

  “Well, you may take the time off. I was just a little worried that something terrible and last minute may have happened.”

  Way to keep digging. “I’m sorry; I should have said in the email it was for personal reasons.” I flashed him a smile, mostly because I was elated I had the rest of the week off.

  “Then enjoy your time off, and I’ll see you next week – bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.”

  “Thanks again, Jack.”

  I was bouncing in my seat, figuratively, not literally. I spent the rest of the afternoon making sure to get all of the accounts I had been working on completed. I set up my out of office message in email and sent a quick email to Georgia, Candace, Tristan, and a few others who needed to know I wouldn’t be in.

  Before I made my great escape, Tristan and Georgia stopped by my desk to make sure everything was okay with me. Tristan offered his stress-relief massage, which I politely declined. I knew what that massage was, and I was all too familiar with the satisfying, orgasmic ending. I couldn’t let that happen again. Georgia told me to call if I needed anything, which was nice.

  When I walked out and got in my car, I took in a deep breath and released some of my anxiety when I exhaled. This would be so nice to have three days all to myself -- and with Abby after day care.

  I picked up Abby, then stopped at the Publix to get the items on my grocery list. After I finished checking out and was on my way to my car across the parking lot, my phone rang. Much to my surprise, it was Jeff.

  “Hey, babe,” I said with a smile.

  “Hey there to you, baby doll. What are you up to?”

  “Just leaving Publix,” I said. “It’s nice to hear your voice.”

  “Is everything okay?”

  Yes, everything is fine. I just miss you, that’s all.”

  “I miss you, too, gorgeous. I’m sorry I can’t talk longer, but I wanted to call you now to at least talk to you for a few minutes. I’ll be out tonight; Blake and I are going out with clients for dinner and drinks.”

  “Have a good time tonight and don’t drink too much.” I hesitated briefly. “Oh, wait. Real quick, before you go, I’m off the rest of the week.”

  “So something is wrong. What’s going on?” I guess taking time off from work was a red flag to Jeff that there was a crisis of some sort.

  “I’m fine; I just need a break from everyone and everything right now. We’ll talk tomorrow. Get going, so Blake isn’t standing around waiting for you.”

  “I miss you so much, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, baby.”

  “I can’t wait. I’ll dream of you tonight. Have a good time.” I hung up the phone.

  I quickly put my bags in the trunk, my baby girl in her car seat, and was on my way back to Jeff’s house. I was pretty sure that, as I was driving home, the swimming pool was calling for me, and I was planning to go lay out for an hour after getting something to eat.

  After Abby and I ate our sandwiches, we both put on our swimsuits and headed to the pool. She laid out in the chaise lounge near me, and within minutes had her eyes closed. It must be rough to be in day care.

  I grabbed my laptop so I could do some googling on wedding planning. I wanted this one to be more elaborate than the first. I had money saved up and was sure Jeff would contribute some money toward it; after all, he had asked me to marry him. I guess that would be the second thing we needed figure out; the budget, right behind the date.

  I started doing some reading on what all goes into planning a wedding and trying to figure out how to crunch their sixteen-month schedule into twelve, if we waited until next October to get married.

  After I got Abby in bed, I took my laptop up to bed with me and continued searching and taking notes. It said to get my wedding party figured out, so I decided I would begin working on that tomorrow.

  The alarm startled me. Much to my surprise, my laptop was still in bed with me. I went through my normal morning routine of getting Abby off to day care, then returned and decided who I wanted for my bridal party. I had to have Jackie and Mandy, for sure, and hopefully I could get Georgia at least, and Candace, too. I decided to call them all later to make sure they even wanted to be part of the wedding.

  I decided on my color scheme while laying out back by the pool with my laptop on the table beside me: light mint green, light pink, and pale smoke gray. I created a Word document to keep track of everything and bookmarked the planning checklist I was using. I couldn’t wait until the weekend to talk to Jeff about the date.

  The hours flew by while scanning through all the images of gowns on the Bridals by Lori website.

  It wasn’t like this when I married Sky. We had both been dirt broke college students.

  ****

  As reluctant as she was, my mom decided I should have a beautiful wedding in the back-yard by the water. She and I took a trip to Orlando to find the perfect dress at Minerva’s during spring break. Jim and Sky went in search of a nice tuxedo.

  Jim called in favors to make the arrangements and invited the closest of friends to celebrate. Jackie, Mandy, Creighton, and plenty of others from school came to join the celebration.

  I looked beautiful in my southern belle princess ball-gown. The top was strapless, with a sweetheart neckline. It had a ruched figure-hugging bodice that fit snugly down across my hips before flaring out with a lace train that flowed behind me. It wasn’t super expensive, but it was beautiful. More than I ever thought I’d have for a wedding gown. My headpiece was a whimsical feather instead of a veil. Sky had looked breathtaking in his white tuxedo, white vest, white shirt, white tie, and white shoes.

  I was so happy to no longer be known as Nikki Hollister, but instead as Nikki Carmichael. Mrs. Skylar Carmichael. He was legally mine now.

  The wedding was a huge gift. But Mom and Jim wanted us to have a honeymoon, if only for a long weekend. Jim knew a business acquaintance who was able to help make arrangements for us to spend four full
days and four night’s at the most magical place on earth, Walt Disney World. We were just in Orlando, but it seemed like a different world.

  As a married couple, when Sky and I returned to campus for my final year of school, we were able to move into off-campus housing. The one-bedroom apartment was very simple, yet had all of the amenities we needed.

  The living room was a large space with an adjoining small dining area. Both were carpeted and flowed perfectly into the kitchen, which had all the modern appliances to make life easier for a young married couple. I was most excited that we had a dishwasher. The bathroom was just standard with the shower/tub combo and was accessible from the bedroom and the hallway. The bedroom was large enough to hold any bedroom set. Fortunately for us, Jim and Mom supplied the furnishings for the apartment.

  The complex had a recreation center with a fitness facility and a community pool. We were so happy starting our new life together.

  ****

  A tear ran down my face as I thought about how happy and in love I had been. Sky had been everything to me.

  I had to get things back to right between us. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t.

  Chapter 18

  Jeff was home by the time I returned from dropping Abby off at my mom’s house Saturday morning. I walked in to see him sitting at the kitchen breakfast bar with his face buried in his hands. I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his broad, muscular back. God, I loved looking at his strong, sexy back.

  “Are you okay?” I spoke softly in his ear before kissing him on his cheek.

  “Yeah, I’m just tired. It’s been a long week.”

  “Maybe you should go lie down and take a nap.”

  “Why don’t you come up with me?” He turned his body halfway so his eyes met mine.

  “I hardly think you’ll get much sleep that way.”

  “That’s the plan.” He pulled me around in front of him, securing me snugly between his legs. His arms reached around and grabbed my butt cheeks, pulling me in tighter as I lowered my lips onto his. His kiss went from gentle to ravenous within a couple of seconds. His mouth tasted like peppermint gum. His scent was a mixture of him and hotel soap. I wanted and needed him; I’d missed him. I reached back and pried his hands from cupping my cheeks and held them in mine. Our lips still locked tight to each other while I guided him to stand. Once he was up on his feet, our lips broke free of one another.