Twisted By Desire (Lust, Desire and Love Trilogy #1) Read online

  My curiosity was eating at me; I had to go see what she was doing and how she’d fared after a night of drinking and crying. When I went to the kitchen, my jaw hung wide enough for my mouth to double as a fly trap.

  “Mom?” She sat at the table, staring with a blank look on her face into the wall opposite her, tears streaming down her pale cheeks, with her coffee mug on the table in front of her. Tissues were balled up in her death-grip tight fist and her uncombed, disheveled hair looked like something out of a horror movie. I had never seen her look like this, and it concerned and saddened me.

  “Are you going to be all right, Mom?”

  She didn’t reply right away; instead, her crying intensified. Her eyes stayed fixated on the wall.

  After a few sniffs, the tears were wiped away by the tissue ball. “I’ll be fine,” she told me as her bloodshot eyes glanced up to meet mine. “Your dad’s gone.”

  “I know.”

  “I doubt he’ll be back, so don’t expect to see him living here again.”

  “We’ll be okay, Mom; right?”

  “Yes, sweetie, we will.” Her voice was calm and reassuring, but her face was anything but convincing.

  I wanted to ask her what had happened, but I knew it wasn’t my place to ask, and I didn’t want to upset her any more than she already was.

  After a few days of muddling through the daily rituals, Mom finally sat Gary and me down and told us what had happened, all the too-much-information and we-really-didn’t-need-to-know that sordid details. It was a difficult story to listen to for more reasons than one, especially when she told us they hadn’t gotten along for the past several years, but they made sure to give the impression that everything was just peachy between them. Gary and I heard way more information than children should ever hear about their parents’ private lives.

  “I hate to tell you this, but you both are old enough to understand and deserve an explanation,” Mom began. “Your dad’s been sleeping around, cheating on me over the years.” Gross, this is was way too much information.

  “Mom, you don’t have to tell us this,” Gary protested.

  With a deep inhale followed by a long, labored exhale, she continued -- she was on autopilot. “I got used to it, you know, and accepted it as long as he was able to keep it hidden from you two and others, like our friends. And he had to always make sure his sluts stayed away from me.”

  Tears trickled down her face. “But the crux of this marriage-ending disastrous blow-up was when your dad’s current, much younger girlfriend, posing as a potential home buyer, requested to work with me.” Mom turned her head, staring out the kitchen window. “To tour a home with me.”

  She labored through a deep inhalation of breath and exhaled slowly before turning back to face us and continuing, “I had no idea who she was when we met at the house; she seemed like any other excited, eager homebuyer. As we neared the end of the home walk-through, she revealed her identity and proceeded to berate me. As if that weren’t enough, the bitch let me know she’s four months pregnant.”

  “What the fuck?” Gary’s face reddened as he stood from his seat, feet just wider than shoulder width, shoving the chair one-handed with enough force to send it flying across the room and crashing into the wall. “How could he do that to you?”

  “He did it to all of us, the selfish bastard. You’ll have a younger brother or sister soon.” Mom started to sob again.

  “Fuck him and his bastard baby.” Gary’s face turned red as he paced the kitchen like a caged animal, huffing and puffing angrily.

  “Oh, Mom.” I walked over and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. I cried with her. Gary joined in, wrapping his long arms across our backs to hug us both into him. We stood there for a few minutes, wrapped in a group hug.

  Mom pulled back slightly to break the circle. “I loved your dad so much, but we were going in different directions.” Gary loosened his arms, and Mom walked over to the sink, looking out the window again. “I’ve got my flaws, you know. I’m not innocent. To be fair, I’ve had a couple flings over the years, too. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, right?” She cleared her throat. “Unlike your dad, I was careful, real careful. Your dad had suspected I was having an affair, but never could prove it or knew who with.”

  She slowly turned to face us. “I’m currently dating someone. It doesn’t matter who knows now. Hell, this charade of a marriage is over.” She clasped her hands in front of her. “We’ve fallen in love, and it feels great to be able to say it. I didn’t think it was possible to love anyone as much as I had loved your dad.” We were stunned by the revelations we’d just heard.

  “What bothers me the most is that, despite all the problems we had, there was comfort in knowing he was still there… here,” -- she raised her hands placing both palms flush across her heart -- “here with me.”

  We were dumbfounded. I felt like the world as I had known it was crumbling in around me. Everything I’d thought about my family was a lie.

  On the weekend, Mom introduced us to Jim Lauren, the man she had been seeing secretly for the past year and had fallen in love with. Jim was a nice-looking older gentleman. He had a full head of thick salt-and-pepper hair. He had perfect white teeth that almost glowed when he smiled. His skin looked slightly wrinkled and leathery, like you get from too much sun over the years, but he was still very handsome. He was friendly, but also seemed cautious. I could see why Mom was attracted to him; he looked more like the type of man that should be with her. Jim shook our hands as he stood close to Mom, with one hand resting at her waist. She had a glow being near him; she seemed so relieved and happy to reveal her love secret.

  Gary wasn’t happy at all. We went out to the mall after meeting Jim.

  “This is a really fucked situation, Sissy.” Gary was so venomous about everything that had transpired. “First Dad being a complete douche-bag, getting some bitch pregnant while still married. Now Mom springs her boyfriend bullshit on us. We went from the happy-assed Cleavers last month to a cluster-fuck of a family now.”

  “I don’t want to be an older sister to anyone.”

  “Fuck the baby; that’s Dad’s problem, not ours.”

  We both felt betrayed by our own father. As far as Dad’s other family, we wanted nothing to do with the baby or the baby’s momma.

  “Mom seems happy with Jim. Don’t you want her to be happy?”

  “Of course I do, but goddamn it, how much shit are we supposed to have dumped on us at once? I mean, seriously.”

  “I know; I just want Mom to be happy. I can’t take seeing her sad and crying like that again.”

  “Or drinking; Jesus Christ, that was awful.”

  We walked around window shopping and talking for another hour or so before going back home.

  After a few months, Gary came around and was more accepting of Jim. Seeing how he treated Mom, how much he loved her and would do anything for her, made it difficult to harbor any thoughts of ill will toward him. He was a really good man. He and Mom sold the old house and found a beautiful, larger new one to start their life together in Tampa right on the Bay with a boat slip and dock at their yard. Mom asked for a smaller home, but Jim insisted there always would be two extra bedrooms in whatever house they owned, he wanted to make sure there was always room if we, or his own children, came to visit.

  Mom and Jim got married a few years later. Gary came home from college and walked Mom down the aisle -- who better than her son to give her away? Gretchen, a coworker of my mom’s and her best friend, and I, were the maids-of-honor. She chose both of us because Gretchen was like a sister to her, and she didn’t want to upset her by asking her to have been a bridesmaid. I didn’t mind sharing the honor with Gretchen, I knew how much she meant to my mom.

  The happily married couple honeymooned for two weeks in Hawaii before returning home. Mom was the happiest we could ever remember seeing her.

  Dad lost touch with both of us after he left home. I’d seen him around town.
He wasn’t with that baby’s mother anymore. He had a new flame -- an older woman, maybe even a little older than him. He seemed sad. I couldn’t help wondering if he ever thought of us.

  Gary refused to have any more contact with him since he didn’t try to make an effort to see or talk to us after the split. That was a lot easier for Gary, since he was out of town for college. I was still in town at the time, finishing my senior year of high school. Dad lived on the other side of town, so chances of seeing him were slim, but it was still difficult for me.

  My prom and graduation were overshadowed by mixed emotions. I was so happy to finish high school and ecstatic that Mom and Jim – well, Jim, anyway -- bought me a new car. But my true wish for graduation was to have Dad show up and surprise me. He didn’t need to get me anything, just be there and say he was proud of me. It had been three years since I’d seen or talked to him. I was leaving for college in a couple months and was torn trying to figure out if I should make an effort to go see him before leaving or just let sleeping dogs lie. I felt so wracked with confusion about why he’d pretended we no longer existed.

  For the sake of my own sanity, with all that was going on, I chose to focus on getting ready for college.

  ****

  My mom and I are very close, and I don’t know what I’d ever do without her, but I still wonder to this day what is going on with Daddy. Maybe one day I’ll try to find him…maybe.

  Chapter 6

  Sky called me before I left the house to let me know he wanted to keep Abby longer. I assured him I could come get her later in the evening, after spending time with Mom. Actually, I welcomed the peaceful visit without Abby’s interruptions.

  Jim was home and feeling feisty as ever. We all decided to go for a drive to Picnic Island Park, where we could enjoy the bay and walk along the beach. Jim didn’t want to drive, so I offered to drive his car, his black Mercedes ML63 AMG SUV.

  Mom and I gathered drinks and snacks to take with us. We usually stayed for a while, and dehydration doesn’t look good on any of us. After getting everything together, we went to the garage, where I climbed in the driver’s seat, bouncing up and down like a kid at an amusement park.

  “Be careful when you press on the gas,” Jim said. “This car has a lot more power than yours.”

  “Okay.” I smiled like the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland when I turned the key to start it. I pressed the garage door opener to let me out. I’d tried on several occasions to get behind the wheel of his car, and Mom was always quick on the ‘No’ reply. This time, I asked Jim when she stepped out of the room, and he was more than willing to let me drive.

  “And no speeding,” old party-pooper Mom chimed in.

  “Okay.” Looking back, making sure the driveway was clear, I backed down to the sidewalk, checked again, closed the garage door, then backed into the street.

  “Watch that –” Jim started, just as I shifted into drive and pressed down on the accelerator, throwing us all back into our seats. Jim, who hadn’t buckled into his seat belt, grasped the backs of the front seats to hold on for dear life. “You did that on purpose, Nikki.” Jim laughed.

  Mom clutched the passenger door and the console. The corners of her mouth turned down as she glared at me with tightness in her eyes and forced my name out through her pursed lips. “Nicolette.” Yikes, she’s pissed.

  I’m so glad Jim has a good sense of humor. He knew I was going to punch the gas on takeoff. After a few minutes of driving, we arrived at the park. Parking was a little difficult, but that was normal for a nice day. I found a spot, and we all got out. I had opened the trunk and begun digging in the insulated bag to get us each a bottle of water when the dreaded question was asked.

  “Sweetie, are you dating anyone yet?” Leave it to Mom to jump right in with the question I was hoping to avoid.

  “No one special.” How could I tell her the man I had just been with the night before was ten years older than me? And I had no real idea how to categorize what we were, regardless.

  “Don’t rush her, Rebekka; she’s still young.” Jim placed his arm around Mom’s shoulder and pulled her in close to him, kissing her on the forehead.

  “I know. I guess I just want you to be happy, Nikki, dear.”

  “I know, Mom, and I appreciate your concern.” We walked down to the beach as we continued to talk. “I’m not unhappy or lonely, though; Abby keeps me company.”

  “That isn’t the same.” Mom frowned at me. “How is Sky? I haven’t seen him in a few weeks.”

  I swallowed hard. “He’s fine.” I guess they’d be surprised to know I was still having sex with Sky, but that wasn’t their business.

  “Give him our love when you see him. I really like him.”

  “I will. I’ll see him when I leave and go pick up Abby.”

  “What a beautiful day out, and I get to spend it with the two most beautiful women in the world. Am I a lucky son of a bitch or what?” Jim blurted into the conversation. He must have seen the pained look on my face. Jim was more in tune to physical cues than most women.

  “Oh, Jim, thanks, but that’s a bit of an exaggeration.” Mom blushed.

  “My perception is my reality; how dare you piss on my parade, woman.” We all laughed.

  It was so fun being out with them, talking and enjoying the day. They walked hand in hand nearly the entire time. We stayed in the park for a little over an hour before we decided to go get something to eat.

  Mom and I decided to make Chicken Parmesan over angel hair pasta with garlic toast instead of going to a restaurant. Jim walked straight into the family room plopping down in his favorite massaging recliner. It didn’t take long before we heard him snoring.

  “Is everything going okay with him?” I whispered to Mom.

  “Sure, he’s fine. He tires easily with the heat and physical exertion, but he’s fine.”

  “Did they find out what’s going on yet?”

  “They keep running tests, but no clue what’s causing him to be so tired all the time.” She looked into the family room, her face aglow as she continue in a low, soft tone, “My tiger is just fine, though.”

  “Earth to Mom, Earth to Mom, come in, Mom.” We both laughed. It was great to see her so happy. Jim was the best thing to come into her life. He wasn’t demanding or crude or impatient. He just loved her.

  “I want you to find your true love and be happy, sweetie. I do worry about you.” She reached out, stroking down my shoulder and arm.

  “What if Sky was my true love? What if he was the one?”

  “If he was, you’d still be together. Someone else is out there waiting for you. That perfect someone is still out there. He’s going to be a lost soul until he finds you.”

  “I don’t know, Mom.”

  “You have to date to find your Mr. Right, sweetie.”

  “I know, and I am, just nothing serious. Trust me, if I find him, you’ll be the first to know.” We finished cooking and preparing the plates. I set each of them on the table that looked out over the back-yard. What a beautiful view. From the kitchen, you could see the bay, their boat slip, and the dock.

  “What do you want to drink, dear?”

  “Want to share a bottle of wine?” Wine brought back memories of the previous night.

  “Sure, I’ll go find us a nice bottle.”

  “Do you have a red burgundy?”

  “I thought your preference was Zinfandel. What do you know about burgundy?” Mom chuckled.

  “I’m learning things.” I winked at her.

  “There’s some in the cellar; I’ll be right back.”

  She returned and popped the cork, then retrieved three wineglasses from the cupboard, filled each halfway, and set them on the table. Mom rousted Jim with a kiss on the lips and a whisper in his ear.

  By the time we finished eating, it was nearing six o’clock. I helped clean up the kitchen and washed the dishes before saying goodbye. I knew it had been a long day for Jim, and I was ready to go get my daugh
ter and get home.

  I knocked on Sky’s door. No answer. I knocked again, and a few seconds later, Hope opened the door. “Hi, Nikki.” Fuck. I was hoping she wouldn’t be there. I’d met her before; she and Sky had an on-again off-again relationship.

  “Hey, is my little monkey butt ready?”

  “Not quite yet; come on in. She’s finishing watching a movie, but it’s almost over.” She stepped to the side, unblocking the doorway so I could enter the apartment, then closed the door behind me. “Hon, Nikki’s here,” she hollered as she walked back down the hall to the bedroom. I noticed she was wearing a pair of Sky’s boxers and his T-shirt. A pang of jealousy pierced my heart.

  Sky appeared with his hair a mess, wearing a pair of sweatpants, a T-shirt and bare feet. He looked sexy even at his worst. “Hey.”

  “Is she almost ready?” I snapped through clenched teeth. I felt restless, pacing slowly to keep my feet moving. I wanted my kid and out of that apartment, now.

  “Give her another five minutes or so.” Sky took a step toward me. “Are you okay?”

  “Yep, fine. Just tired and want to go home.”

  Sky took a couple steps closer. “Don’t forget, baby, I know you.”

  “Don’t, Sky; leave it alone.” My eyes were prickling with tears; I could feel them burning inside my eyes, on the brink of tumbling down my cheeks. I needed to maintain my composure, and talking to him right now was going to send me down an emotional freefall I didn’t want to ride. Why did he call me baby? Damn him. I don’t know what it was about seeing Hope at his place that always made me lose my shit. Maybe it was the fact that she was fucking drop-dead gorgeous.

  “Mommy!” Abby came running down the hall and jumped up at me. I picked her up in my arms and hugged her tight, losing myself in the scent of baby lotion.

  “Are you ready to go, baby girl?” I shifted her onto my hip, supporting her weight with my arm across her lower back.